Study Me

It's 7:15 a.m., and I've already changed my clothes a couple of times. It's Day 1 of the Home Study for our adoption. This isn't even the scary (I mean intimidating) part. Today is just the meeting where our social worker tells us what to expect.

And I know not to be scared. I know that the social worker - that no one in this process - is on a witch hunt. I know already that she is really nice. I know that it will all be fine.

But you try to prepare for an event that involves someone checking your background, biography, home, and medical records to determine whether or not you are fit to be a parent to a new baby. You try to prepare for that and do it without changing your clothes at least twice.

I want to look put together, but not like I'm trying too hard. Prepared, but casual. Clean - I'd love to just look clean, but since we don't meet her for several more hours, I'm sure clean is a bit of a lofty goal. I still have poop to wipe, chocolate milk to let a 3 year old make, rice cakes to pick off my shirt, and my own nose that hasn't stopped running in months.

I know it will all be fine. But the scariest part for me is this: I already have two kids. If (and I know this won't happen - can't you feel my certainty?!) we are determined to be a home not appropriate for this new baby, what does that say about the poor kids already stuck with me?

There's something about evaluation - tests, annual reviews, meetings with the elders (oops - did I say that?), home studies - that gets my defenses up, makes me nervous, brings on the sweaty armpits.

So, I'm sure that between the rice cakes and sweat, I'll be changing this shirt at least one more time before the big meet.