Things I Learned on Vacation

1) Ten year celebrations are way better than honeymoons. Probably because we've known each other for a lot longer, feel a lot more comfortable sharing the bathroom, and can appreciate the fact that real life is not about the stress of assembling wedding invitations, and therefore can benefit from a holiday.

2) My children can use a vacation from me once in a while. Especially if it's with their grandparents. Especially because their grandparents will do ridiculous things like take them to fly kites even when it's 40 degrees outside.

3) When Ben gets home from a trip and he's jet lagged and exhausted, it's real. He's not being a baby. (I'm not sure that this realization will result in my actually being nicer to him when he can't get out of bed in the morning, but one can hope.)

4) Spray tans are not worth the money when it will only take 5.5 minutes to turn your skin bright red.

5) Of all of the people on the beach, only about 2 percent of them are hot enough to make you feel awkward about your baby jiggle. About 80 percent of them are large enough to make you feel pretty darn good about it.

6) Reading is awesome and is best done when you don't have to cook a single meal.

7) The ocean is huge and scary, and has actual animals swimming around in it, which is also scary, but very cool.

8) I'm pretty convinced that there is something sketchy about Hawaii's statehood that smacks of American Imperialism. I did a little research on that, thank you wikipedia, and there seem to be at least a few native Hawaiians who would agree. (Add Hawaiian vacation to my list of fun things like Thanksgiving and the Fourth of July that I can't experience without guilt.)

9) The Big Island of Hawaii might be the most amazing place on the whole earth. I mean, seriously. God put beaches, a rain forest, black sand, pretty flowers, and perfect weather on a massive volcano that still spits lava into the ocean every once in a while.

10) Peanut butter and Cocoa Krispie sandwiches make a delicious breakfast.

11) Just because pineapples grow in Hawaii doesn't mean that you'll automatically get to eat them while you're there. For instance, you might go for an entire week and not get a single pineapple because you eat Cocoa Krispie sandwiches for breakfast instead of hotel buffet food. If that happens, you might need to order a pool-side mai tai just because they'll stick a pineapple spear in it. Even if that mai tai costs more than lunch. Because, with a pineapple in it, it practically is lunch. Right?

12) My husband? Is the best. And when the kids grow up and move out, we'll still have a lot of fun together.

13) Speaking of growing up, my kids are absolutely not allowed to grow up. Because then we have to deal with teenage girls in bikinis. And, whether we're talking about my sons or my daughter, I'm going to have a problem with teenage girls in bikinis.