Every mother knows that being a mommy means feeling guilty a good chunk of the time. I feel guilty when I am too harsh, and I feel guilty when I'm a pushover, and it is dang hard to fall somewhere in between the two. I feel guilty when work/school/other adult interests take me away from bedtime/mealtime/snuggle time and I feel guilty when I neglect being an actually fully-functioning adult so that I can attempt to be the world's most perfect mother.
I feel guilty when Sy watches too much tv. I feel guilty when Taly contentedly stares into space for 20 minutes without me goo-ing and ga-ing into her face (even though she's probably just pooping and wants to be left alone). I feel guilty when I can't get it together enough to take a shower. I feel guilty when I stick Ben with the kids so I can take a shower in peace. I feel guilty when I don't know the answers to Sy's questions even when they're stupid. (And yes, there are stupid questions - I'm sorry, but it's true).
So, now I have the two most adorable guilt-inducing creatures ever. Because they are so precious, I want to be all the more perfect for them. But, even in my quest for perfection, I get bored out of my mind, more exhausted than I can fathom, and so so exasperated with having to sit on my couch all day so I can keep bouncing the bouncy chair.
Having two guilt-inducers means more guilt because they really both prefer to have 100% of my attention 100% of the time. Actually, I think they'd both settle for 75% of the time, but as you can see, the math still doesn't work out for that to be possible. So, I try to fake them out, and thus assuage my guilt.
Here are the tactics that I've been practicing so far:
I try to convince Simon to play "Rock the Baby," where we both quietly rock our babies in the dark basement. This lasts about 5 minutes tops.
I try to convince Simon to let me read to him while I rock Talya. This sometimes works great, but usually results in Simon climbing in and out of the chair himself, hitting, stepping on or otherwise roughing up his 3-week-old sister in the process.
I try to focus on having a great conversation with Simon, answering all of his questions in the most sing-songy baby-soothing voice possible so Talya thinks I'm talking to her.
Oh, when all else fails, I put in a movie.
And thus the guilt continues.