As you can see from the counter on this page, my due date is upon us... and still no Talya. Oh, I am well aware of her presence, as each day her kicks get harder as she seems more frustrated at the lack of space. But I still don't know what she looks like, or if she's a good sleeper (please, God!), and most anxiety-inducing, I don't know when she'll make her arrival.
It is a weird thing to have one of life's biggest moments upon me, but not knowing, and not being able to control when I will get to experience it. There are logistical stresses that go along with this - visitors hoping she'll arrive conveniently over the weekend, my final exam on Tuesday, etc. But it's mostly the emotional toll - the sleepless nights hoping every tiny contraction will turn into the real thing, desperately wanting my water to break, but not in public.
There's another layer to this waiting. Last night we found out that a dear family friend who has been battling Cystic Fibrosis had taken a turn for the worse. And that quite probably as I lay awake waiting for Talya's life to begin, his family was awake wondering if Ryan's life would end. God in his sovereignty chose to welcome Ryan home this morning, leaving his wife heart-broken, his twins confused, his mother hurting, and everyone else in his life so very sad that this day has come.
Life begins. I have to remind myself of that every time I start to wonder if Talya will ever come. And just as certainly, life ends. And God has his hand on all these beginnings and endings, celebrations and mourning, joys and sorrows. And I join Paul (those of you who know me can note the irony there) in being confident of this: that He who began a good work will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
As I await Talya's beginning - what a Great Work that my God has started! - Ryan is experiencing completion and perfection because it is his day of Christ Jesus.
Though I have no reason to expect Talya to be anything other than a healthy baby girl, I don't really know for sure. (I declined all the tests that would tell me her risk factors for various diseases.) But after living with broken lungs for 27 years, Ryan is experiencing his new body for the first time. I hope he's loving it!
Here's a link to Kristin's (Ryan's wife) blog. Her words are filled with faith, even as her heart is filled with sadness.