Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Since you asked....

A growing belly invites the standard questions:
When are you due?(June)
Boy or Girl? (Girl)
Have you picked a name? (Talya Katherine)
Is this your first or second? (?????)

And that's where I freeze. It's a question that I've stumbled around since first breaking the news about that joyous pink line. And now that I'm getting much more obviously pregnant, I'm running into the question more and more, and I have to admit it's not getting easier. (Maybe you've been through this - does it get easier?)

This is what I say: "I have a two-year-old son."

This is what I want to say:
This was my third positive pregnancy test. The third time I've felt life move within my own body. The third time I've thrown up for no apparent reason. The third time I've gone months without a Diet Coke. The third time I've prayed about a name. This will be the third child that will come out of my body only with pain and pushing. The third time I've waited expectantly for "It's a ______!" But this will be my second season of sleepless nights and nursing even though I hate it only because it's good for this little creature I love. This will my second time spending way too much money at Babies R Us and my second time setting up a crib. This will be the second time I get to comfort a little one with a song because she won't know I have a terrible voice.

This is my third, but the second I'll get to rock in my arms, nurse at my breast, and lay down to sleep in my very own house.

So, maybe you've been through this - answering this question that seems weird only to you. I still get tongue-tied as I think of the right way to answer. I don't want the asker to feel uncomfortable or like they've stepped on a touchy subject. I just don't want to give a socially acceptable answer that cheats my sweet second baby out of the truth of his life, even though it was way too short.

Just my thoughts for the day. Now it's time to get my sweet first baby up from his nap.

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