Is this some sort of faith blog?
That's a recent comment I got. I'm not sure exactly what it means. I'm not sure if the person who left that comment the other day - on a random, non-spiritual, really old post was accusing me of having faith, not having faith, or was just genuinely confused, but I figure I can take a stab at answering it.
This blog is a lot of things. But I'll start with what it's not. It's not a business. It's not out to get followers or advertisers. I don't review things, and I am surprised every time someone new tells me they read this.
It's a log of my thoughts on my life. It's about my kids, my fumblings at motherhood, the ways that I'm trying to grow and change, the things that I find ridiculous, the things that move me, books I love and hate, places I've been to and how they've changed me, people I love and attempt to love better. It's about adoption, and justice, and multi-culturalism, and my status as an Indian-in-law. It's about how happy I am even though I can be a bit dramatic about the things that don't go my way.
All of these things from the deep to the mundane are connected to my faith. They all are born out of my ugly-turned-beautiful, wretched-now-redeemed, self-righteous-changing-to-loving heart.
I know I can be a little vague when talking about it. I'm not trying to be, but as I grow in knowledge of the world and in my relationship with God, I am astounded by how much I don't understand, and how okay I really am with that. Sometimes, when talking about my faith, I rest in beautiful contradictions instead of attempting to package it all neatly. I confess a huge impatience with trite, easy answers in a phenomenally broken world - which most "religion," including a lot of modern Christianity, provides.
Also, growing in God's love for me means that I'm letting go of hiding my shortcomings and ugliness from the world. So, that means that sometimes on this blog, I admit things that make me seem horrible (because, really, I am). Not just "I found my baby sucking on my macbook cord," but, "My prejudices are exposed when I have trouble loving people who are different from me." After that admissi
on, I got an interesting comment questioning why my faith value of Christian love isn't enough to override my propensity towards prejudice.
Great question! I'm learning that values - knowing right from wrong or believing the right thing - aren't really enough to fix any of the ugliness that lurks in my heart. Every attempt at muscling up enough "goodness" to hide my "badness" will just end up making me look stupid as it exposes how bad I really am.
I've learned, and I re-learn every day, that the only fix for my brokenness is resting in Christ's righteousness, that He offered me the day that I first believed in Him. Jesus died to offer me two things - forgiveness for my sin and His goodness to wear as my own. I need both of these things to enjoy a relationship with Him now and eternity with Him in heaven. I can provide neither of those things for myself, but God provides them both for me because He loves me.
I believe He loves you too, no matter where you go to church, who you're sleeping with, how loudly you screamed at your child today, whether or not you've ever had an abortion, or how you make the money you need to put food on the table - no matter if you hate Him. I believe His heart breaks to heal you where you hurt. I believe that when you fail, He jumps up and down like a child, "pick me, pick me!", wanting to step in and rescue you. I believe that He understands what's keeping you from loving Him, but that nothing will stop Him from loving you.
May this little bloggy thing I've got going on here provide you a window into my own failings, and the God who redeemed me once and for all, rendering every single one of them irrelevant in His eyes.
So, is this some sort of faith blog? There's no way for it not to be.
P.S. Since I don't explain it very well, if you want to know more about having a relationship with God, or the specifics of what I believe, feel free to click here.
P.P.S. If you don't believe what I believe, I still like you, I'm still glad you're here, and I don't think you're less than me, or anything like that. Just so we're clear. OK?
P.P.P.S. What did you think of LOST? I loved it, and I miss it already. I still want to know about the numbers though.