Friday, February 12, 2010

On Attaching

I've gone to bed early every night this week. And by early, I mean as soon as I can toss my kids under their covers, I am under mine. Except for Monday night, because the Bachelor was on, and even then I fell asleep right before Jake was hit with the bombshell that Ali was leaving - gasp!

But last night, little Charlie didn't want to go to bed. He wanted to sleep, but only in my arms, not in his bed. I've been tired and a bit sick, so my patience was draining. But still, I couldn't shake the thought that every time he cries, I have a chance to tell him that he has a mommy now. As I'd lay him in his crib, he would go from sound asleep to wide awake screaming as soon as his back touched the mattress. Then, as soon as I'd pick him up, his body would go limp - peacefully asleep.

It is so frustrating! But, it is so beautiful - this needy attachment. 3 weeks ago, he could fall asleep by himself. Now, he needs a mama (or a daddy or a grandma) to snuggle with.

Still, my weakness is greater than my appreciation of this beauty. At 10:00, I collapsed into bed - 2 hours past my bedtime - and let grandma take over the rocking until Daddy got home. After that, he slept great.

As for me, I'm off to the doctor. Grandma is only here a few more days and I'm going to need medication to help me out in her absence.


Heidi said...

Cooper has gone through the same thing. It is so hard to know exactly what to do. We view everything through a different lens now, don't we? BTW, Cooper did have an ear infection when he began only wanting to sleep in my arms...antibiotics are a wonderful thing!

Rachael said...

How wonderful that he feels safe and secure in your arms - little steps by little steps. Are you planning to co-room or co-sleep to help the bonding and get more rest at night? I have no idea how I would do parenting without cosleeping, it has literally saved my sleep.