My Paper Pregnancy: Hearing the Heartbeat

So, you know when you first find out that you're pregnant? In case you don't know or don't remember, let me remind you.

Whether or not you were planning/hoping for the pregnancy, your mind plays tricks with you for weeks. You're "late," but couldn't that be stress? Or the fact that you drank too much Diet Coke this month? You start to feel nauseous... or is it gassy? Do your boobs hurt or is it just your imagination? You debate taking a pregnancy test, but since you're pretty sure it's all in your head, you decide to wait. Those things cost like ten bucks, so you don't use them lightly.

Finally, you pee on the stick.

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, those are two blue lines!!!!! Wait, is it supposed to be two blue lines or 1 purple line? Or a plus sign? You quick grab the directions, realize they don't make sense and make your husband go buy the digital test. And, finally, finally, there it is in black and gray: PREGNANT.

You freak out, call your mom, name the baby, swear off Diet Coke (okay just one more), take 4 pre-natal vitamins to counteract the Diet Coke, and decide, yes you are nauseous and you should probably just go to bed and take it easy for at least 3 months.

You begin telling people the good news and are surprised how many people respond with, "So did the doctor confirm it?" You try to explain to these insensitive, uninformed, well-meaning people that all the doctor is going to do is tell you to pee on the stick, but then you start to wonder...

Maybe it was gas, and stress, and Diet Coke overload turned to withdrawal. Maybe you're not pregnant. The screens on those digital tests kind are, like, super-tiny, and no bloated, stressed-out, hormonal, possibly pregnant person could possibly be expected to read it.

So, you call the doctor. She says, "Well, did you pee on the stick?" Yes, you're pretty sure that it was positive. "Okay," she says, "I'll see you in 4 weeks."

So, that's that. You're pregnant. You are pretty sure you're pregnant. The constant feeling of wanting to puke is beginning to take over - you ARE pregnant.

But, then, it's 4 weeks later. Four weeks of pukey-ness and saltines, and awkward conversations with people about how you found out you were pregnant. You go to the doctor and she gets out the doppler thing, and just when you begin to wonder how in the world doppler can predict the weather and record a heartbeat, you hear it - the sound of galloping horses amidst an ocean of woosh-woosh-wooshing.

You giggle and cry, because that is the moment that the pregnancy is more than a bundle of nerves and hormones. Hearing the heartbeat reminds you that there is an actual BABY! You can't see the baby, you nothing about it, but you know it's there!

Okay, so remember that?

That's what it's like to get your APPROVAL in your paper pregnancy. You wait and wait, going back and forth between believing a baby is coming and feeling pretty darn sure it's all going to fall through, and then you get ONE EMAIL that reads like a galloping, wooshing, beating heart.

And you realize - Oh My Gosh, a baby is coming!

I cannot wait for the "ultrasound," when I see his picture for the first time.


So, in all of that, in case I wasn't clear - WE GOT OUR APPROVAL TODAY!

I hope your Thanksgiving was just as full with reasons to give thanks!